Kokoro

 I miss you in the quiet ways. In the pauses between messages that never arrive, in the phone that never rings. Distance seems effortless for you, while I exhaust myself trying to close it. I have tried everything to bring you back. Even when your words cut me, I choose silence over curses, because loving you still feels heavier than hating you ever could. I would give anything to have you in my life again, yet you look at me as if I am already gone as if my presence makes no difference, as if my absence would not be noticed at all. And that is what breaks me the most not the loss, but the feeling that even if I disappeared, you would continue untouched. My heart aches each time I hold space for you, realizing that loving you has become the  loneliest place I know.

 I know I made mistakes in the past, and I carry the guilt every day. What I did was wrong but leaving me alone was wrong too. I won’t force you anymore. You’re free to choose whatever you want. I’ll still be here quietly waiting even if you don’t trust me now.People say cheating is a choice, not a mistake. And they’re right. But sometimes it is a mistake born from feeling unwanted, invisible, and pushed away. You knew what you did hurt too.If I hadn’t been made to feel like I meant nothing, I would never have gone down that path. I don’t say this to escape blame. I say it because love doesn’t break in one moment it erodes slowly.I’m willing to endure the same pain I caused, because I don’t want anyone else. I’m truly sorry 

 On a cold winter night, I stood heartbroken on my balcony, hidden from the world. Even the icy wind gave me the warmth I had been begging for from you.